Warlock

Released on May 26, 1995 by LJN for the Super Nintendo, Warlock is a side-scrolling action-platformer adaptation of the sequel to the film of the same name.

The opening ten-second sequence of Warlock for the SNES is one of the most stunning I have ever seen. You begin in a field in front of an English cottage, wind blowing through the trees, butterflies fluttering overhead, birds flying to and fro, your coat billowing in the wind. Your dog prances around the grass as you run through this grassy dream, and into a nightmare of an absolutely horrible video game.

Just don't play past the first ten seconds, and you'll be fine!

LJN is known for having made some horrible video games, particularly horrible video game adaptations of films and TV shows. Warlock is particularly horrible, sharing little in common with the film it is supposedly based upon. Indeed, the only positive elements that came from me playing Warlock, which came six years after film, is experiencing that beautiful first ten seconds, and the fact that I sought out and watched that fun film afterward.
Truthfully, I only bought this game for two reasons: because I saw the first ten seconds on a Youtube long-play, and because it was $3.99 at the Lafayette Play-n-Trade. You can't quite tell how bad Warlock is by watching someone else play it, but you can sure tell by playing it yourself. As soon as you run through that field, and start getting attacked in this side-scrolling action-platformer, it's clear Warlock isn't going to be a classic.

Misfire! Just like this entire game past the first 10 seconds!

You play some kind of wizard, who shoots bolts of electricity or something out of his hands, and has some kind of orb floating over his head that you can kind of use as a weapon, by pushing a button, pointing the D-pad in a direction, and hoping the orb flies that way. Also, when you attack, he stops moving. Ugh.
Enemies come at you non-stop, and you can never seem to get a leg-up on them. Die once, and it's game over. You can die by missing a jump and falling into a pit, or of course by getting hit enough times by the numberless enemies (other wizards, monsters, crazed animals, floating eyeballs that also shoot lightning). Warlock is a bad video game.

Hide! Hide from this game!

Warlock eschews the fun, fish-out-of-water horror/adventure/comedy of the 1989 original film for the rune stones and druid mumbo-jumbo of its sequel. You've got to collect six hidden rune stones from the game's multitude of infinity-long, nondescript levels. When you actually get one of the damn things, you're given a password to get back to that point after you die, so at least there's that. If that doesn't sound very fun, it's because it isn't.
I quickly tired of trying to play this travesty straight, hit google, and found that if you hit "left, left, right, left, right, right, left, right, right, left, left, right" on the d-pad at the opening menu, you get a level select screen, and the option of invincibility. Either invincibility also makes you fly, or I found some rune that gave me the power of flight, I'm not sure, because this stupid game doesn't tell you absolutely anything. So I played the rest of the game invincible, with the ability to fly, and even that didn't make things much better.

If hiding doesn't work, fly away! Fly far, far away!!!

The cheats did allow me to experience the game's dark atmosphere, its only decent quality, though even the atmosphere overstays its welcome and becomes oppressive after a few short minutes.
The graphics themselves bounce around from beautiful pixel works of art to "Did you doodle this with a BIC in your school notebook?" They are just all over the place. The soundtrack is urgent, but after a few minutes of its irritating caterwauling, you'll urgently want to mute your television.
This game is a train-wreck. Thanks a lot, LJN! At least I enjoyed the film!...and the video game's first ten seconds. Man, what a great first ten seconds.

Graphics: 5.0/10.0

Sound: 3.5/10.0

Gameplay: 2.0/10.0

Lasting Value: 1.5/10.0


Overall: 2.5/10.0