Alien³

Released in October 1993 for the Super Nintendo by LJN, and developed by Probe Software, action platformer, Alien³, is a very loosely based adaptation of the film of the same name.

After stumbling across a Retro Gamer article on its development, I suddenly decided I had to own Alien³ for the Super Nintendo. The graphics, the early 90's, so much nostalgia welled up within me, I immediately visited EBay and picked up a complete copy. The game arrived a few days later, I looked through the manual, felt a quick dopamine quick, then put the game in my SNES drawer.
Flash forward four years, and my 90's movie podcast co-host tells me he wants to cover Alien³. We'd just done Demolition Man, and I'd played through the Sega CD game in honor of that, so I figured it was finally time for my copy of Alien³ to get its due. Does it measure up to the nostalgia that article awakened in me?

Remember, it's Alien³, NOT Alien 3!

Alien³ is an incredibly divisive flick, and I have to say, I am only now coming around to it objectively. After the all-out terror of the first film, and then the action film insanity of the second, a morose meditation on the nature of being, featuring only one alien and no guns wasn't exactly what I...or just about anyone wanted in a third installment of the once storied franchise. I understand and appreciate the film now, even with its flaws, but back then I thought it was an abomination. It certainly doesn't feature a plot that would easily adapt into a video game. 

Believe it or not

The game's developers must have thought the same, as instead of one alien, Alien³ for the SNES features endless wave after wave of aliens, and instead of no guns, a massive pulse rifle, flamethrower, and grenade launcher. All that's really left of the film is the setting, a massive foundry that doubles as a detention center, on a far distant planet at the edge of space. Alien³ for SNES actually replicates this setting for the game pretty faithfully, even down to the film's soft-orange bathed dull and dingy color palette. 

It's so bland, I love it!

Probe actually does some fine, subtle work with this palette, producing a multitude of shades of grey and tan. The backgrounds are well drawn, and protagonist, Ripley, receives a faithful design, shaved head and all. Her animations are particularly great, as she runs, jumps, and hangs from an overhead bar with one hand while shooting with another. The aliens also look great, with crawling and jumping face huggers, egg sacs, and middle-size and large recreations of the film's quadrupedal alien all making an appearance. Enemies aren't quite as well-animated as Ripley, but they've definitely got 16-bit creepiness down, as they chase, spit at, and attack you. The weapon animations are also very cool, particularly the flamethrower, which at times even causes a glow to the lighting in the game's darker areas. There are even some atmospheric effects, like rain, which look great. Alien³ is a pretty handsome game.

 Yes! I can almost taste the acrid fog!

It sounds pretty good too. The music is all out action bombast, and while not much stands out, it does get the blood pumping. Weapon sound effects are on point.
Since Alien³ is not a steroidal action flick, the developers, as I said, took some liberties. Some BIG liberties. Instead of pondering her existence, and the fact that she's likely about to die ignominiously on a nearly abandoned prison planet, this game Ripley is getting so very many things done and running the show all the time. 

Good thing Ripley is here, otherwise who's gonna unfracture these pipes?

Alien³ features mission-based gameplay, with six stages featuring from six to eight missions. Ripley must find each stage's computer terminal (sometimes there are more than one), where she can pick and complete missions in any order the player chooses. Missions generally consist of heading to one of each stage's numerous large rooms to complete a task like wielding some busted pipes, or cleaning out an alien egg sac infestation. 

Welding pipes just like a BOSS.

Sometimes missions require Ripley to visit multiple rooms. Meanwhile, vast hordes of respawning aliens constant rush toward her, meaning you'll have to constantly stay on guard, and almost constantly be firing your weapons. Unfortunately, shooting too much means you'll eventually run out of ammo, and Ripley doesn't have any standard low-grade weapon that doesn't. You can pick up more ammo throughout stages, especially in each stage's armory, but enemies respawn far more quickly and frequently than ammo does. You can totally run out of ammo and find yourself defenseless in the face of these non-stop alien waves. It's enough to almost make you wish Probe had followed the plot of the film a little more closely.

Can you guys stop laying eggs FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE?!

You'll also wish they'd put a battery chip in the cartridge, so that you could save your game. While the missions are pretty fun, the only progression saving method Alien³ offers is a password for each of the game's stages, once you've beaten the previous one. Considering completing each stage takes well over an hour, it would have been nice to have the ability to save after each mission, considering missions can take anywhere from five to 20 minutes. This game is not friendly to a quick play and put down session. Add to that...Alien³  is hard! Even on the easy setting, it's likely that many times you'll have put an hour into a stage, only to fall in the lava on the fifth or sixth mission and have to start the whole thing over. 

I guess I shouldn't have saved this mission for last...

Thankfully, each stage contains a medic bay full of health that you can return to, but even those are packed with aliens. There is absolutely no respite from the oncoming xenomorphs. Well, actually, there is one...

I commented before about games from this period beginning to grow more progressive in concept, yet still failing to become modern in execution. Alien³  certainly pushes the envelope in concept, with its semi-non-linear, mission-based gameplay, but it is so painfully regressive in its lack of game saving and sparse password system, the progressive gameplay model almost becomes a detriment instead of an asset. In order to offset this late 80's/early 90's game problem, developers often included cheat codes to make their games more palatable. Alien³ is no different. Though I very rarely suggest this, I am going to have to go the same route as I did with Jurassic Park 2: The Chaos Continues, and say, play Alien³ with the cheats codes on. 

Don't you want to experience this gnarly looking sunset?

Make yourself either invincible, or give yourself infinite ammo. Or...do both. Even Alien³'s "Easy" mode is brutal, and can kill you and negate your progress after a long session of gameplay. This is a game that doesn't even give you lives or continues. Die once, and it's game over. 

So...

Cheat. There's too much here to enjoy to get caught up in the game's archaic system of difficulty. The controls are mostly spot on, and make blasting away at aliens...a blast. Running, crouching, and...crouch running all feel great, as does Ripley's ability to aim and fire in many directions, even when she's hanging from a ladder. 

Somebody call 9-1-1/Shawty fire burning on the dance floor

Sometimes it's difficult to fire at something small that's diagonally down from you, and you can't stop and aim (aiming makes you run in the direction you're pointing), but otherwise, these controls are excellent. Ripley's jump, much to the developer's current chagrin (per that Retro Gamer article), is quite floaty, but at least it injects an element of grace into this brutal game, as it's easy to reroute your direction mid-air. 

Also, the missions are fun! While there's unfortunately no cheat code to make Alien³ more friendly to quickplays, the stages can certainly be beaten more quickly when you can fire your guns at will without worrying about running out of ammo.

Added Bonus: You won't have to look at this screen over and over again.

Really, enjoying this game is like enjoying the movie--at first glance, it's frustrating and overly difficult, but spend some time with and figure out a way into it, and it's actually pretty good.


Graphics: 8.0/10.0

Sound: 7.5/10.0

Gameplay: 6.8/10.0

Lasting Value: 6.5/10.0


Overall: 6.9/10.0

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

Released on April 1, 1992 for the Super Nintendo by Nintendo, and developed by Nintendo EAD, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past returns the action-RPG series to a top-down view for Link's first and only 16-bit adventure

I bought an SNES because I wanted to play Street Fighter II at my house. Kick stupid Guile in the face with Ryu from the comfort of my den? What could be better? In January of 1995, Blockbuster had a used copy of Super Street Fighter II for $5. That's like the same price as a rental! Add to that,  Wal-Mart was selling an SNES for $100! I'd just pooled my Christmas cash (some from returning gifts), and I had $120, enough to get both, pay the taxes, AND get this sweet book about how to draw boats that I saw at the art store.

There's a great diagram for a shrimp boat in here

I had an okay time with Super Street Fighter II. It's a good game. However, after a few days playing it, I felt strangely empty. My cousin, Adrian, came over one day, and seemed to notice I was getting tired of it.
"You should try the game that came with the Super Nintendo," he said. "That Zelda one."
"Zelda games are lame," I said, having never played a Zelda game in my life.
I had just turned 13 at the time, and was at the tail end of a period of personal funk--that time in life where I was tired of being treated like a kid, and only having access to things I'd felt I'd outgrown years before. My NES had started to grow extremely stale, but for some reason until then, upgrading to the SNES never occurred to me. Everything just felt old and boring, and to top it off, I was late blooming, still with my little kid voice and hairless armpits. Everything sucked! My grandfather died on Friday the 13th, January of 1995, and considering, out of 13 grandchildren, I was his only namesake, I just felt done. Life was a giant suck sandwich.

Just warp me to the Dark World already

However, something about the SNES made me hopeful. Finally, something new...but my close-minded nature was stopping it from actually providing a new experience. I just wanted to play a game I'd already spent hours upon hours with in the arcade. Or did I? Obviously, SFII was already played out for me. After wrestling with Adrian's words for days (new stuff, amIrite, INFJ's?!), I finally pulled The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past out of the Super Nintendo box, ejected Super Street Fighter II from my SNES for what I assumed would be a short while, and put A Link to the Past in its place. The rest is history.

Game Over to my pre-Zelda life

My little brother just happened to be in the room when the immersive opening screen and cinema of A Link to the Past started to roll, as by that point he'd forgiven me for drawing a (phenomenal) picture of his future shrimp boat getting attacked by a giant squid. Both of us sat transfixed through the title screen, the opening cinematic, and the incredible opening sequence, where young Link (or whatever you end up calling him--it's your choice when the game beings) is visited by the titular Princess Zelda in a dream. She asks for Link's help, before Link is suddenly awakened by his Uncle, who's headed off into a rainstorm to rescue the very Princess Zelda from Link's dream. At this point, you take control of Link, and run out of the house into the glorious weather effects of a 16-bit storm, find a path to the castle, and discover your uncle has been incapacitated. The old man gives you his sword and his mission, and your adventure begins.

 

Any 16-bit game that's lets you climb a high precipice and view the land below is great in my book

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past immediately sucks the player in with its production values and atmosphere, but keeps them transfixed with its incredible gameplay. I immediately connected on a tactile level with the ease and way I could move Link around in the spaces of the game's overhead perspective. The controls felt more spot on than anything since the first Super Mario Bros. game I'd played years before. And now, as I play through this game again 25 years later, the controls still feel so spot on. The session for this review is the fourth time I've completely played through A Link to the Past. Every time has felt revelatory.

*Sigh* This view...

Link's movement is controlled with the D-Pad. There's a button assigned to his sword, one for using an item (whichever one the player has selected, i.e. the bow and arrow or lamp), one to perform a dash (once that move is acquired), and one to access the map. The start button brings up Link's vast inventory. The select button brings up save and quit options. It's a perfect scheme, perfectly executed. Good luck playing through this game, and then not expecting the buttons to map the same in whatever subsequent 1top-down action-RPG you play. They should all be like this.

Home sweet home...until this bird swoops me away

Once Link rescues Zelda in the game's opening sequence, he's off to numerous dungeons to collect magical amulets, to help fight against the evil wizard who's kidnapping all of Hyrule's maidens--Hyrule of course being the fantastical, medieval styled land of mountains, forests, lakes, and rivers in which Link resides and traverses. Hyrule's dungeons, sprinkled liberally throughout the land, are a pinnacle of 2D game design. They're tough, yet their layouts are extremely logical, the work of game designers at the peak of their powers. All dungeons follow the same basic blueprint: fight through numerous, enemy-filled rooms, solve an extremely diverse assortment of puzzles, and collect keys to  pass through locked doors to progress.

Hmm, I really want that treasure, but I also really don't want to fall into a bottomless pit

Each dungeon also contains a helpful map and compass, and a master key or "big key," which must be obtained to progress through each respective dungeon's final rooms, in order to access each's boss lair. Each dungeon also contains a new item for Link's inventory (i.e. a hookshot or fire rod), many of which Link needs to progress further through that dungeon, and which often give access to previously inaccessible areas of Hyrule.

Yay! Now I can access this belligerent fish creature!

Yes, it's the timeless gaming concept Nintendo perfected on the Super Nintendo, with games like this and Super Metroid: explore at your leisure, note spots that feel like places you could get to if you had the right item; eventually collect that item through your adventures, then come back to that spot with your new item. For example: 1. The other side of that broken bridge has a beam I think I could shoot a hook shot into. 2. Woah, cool, this dungeon's treasure is a hookshot. 3. Yes, when I shot my new hookshot into that beam, I got over that previously uncrossable ravine. Now I've got an entirely new area to explore! While the term "Metroidvania" would be coined after Castlevania: Symphony of the Night began to incorporate this same type of gameplay into the Castlevania franchise, in truth, Zelda games had also been doing this right here in 1992 (of course the '86 original The Legend of Zelda did something similar, but with far less structure).

Must. Go. Everywhere.

The incredible sense of discovery lent by this style of gameplay is tough to beat. During your 20+ hour journey, you'll want to get into every nook and hollow of A Link to the Past's world. You'll want to find every piece of heart, not just to extend your life meter, but because you'll simply want to find them. Just seeing what's beyond the next dungeon door is exciting. With double-digit dungeons, a full adventure awaits. And with double-digit dungeons come a huge variety of bosses, a veritable rogue's gallery of nasty beasts who are just as fun to fight as they are to simply experience. Feelings of invention and originality permeate every moment of A Link to the Past, even though it's been aped by numerous games, including Legend of Zelda ones, ever since.

Vega? I thought I was done with Street Fighter II!

Composer, Koji Kondo, is also at the top of his game here, producing some of his most memorable, atmospheric, transportive musical compositions, all appearing at the perfect times. The sound effects are also heavenly, with the sound your sword makes when it hits a boss particularly satisfying. The graphics, even going down to each dungeon's color schemes, are iconic and beautiful. The production value is off the charts--check the game's ending, which brings a satisfying and cathartic resolution to every character you've met in Hyrule's story. Oh, yes, of course, the characters--Hyrule is full of charming non-player characters, as well. Many of them have interesting stories that Link can make himself a part of, as he solves people's problems all over Hyrule. This game features so much goodness it's almost unbelievable.

This ending didn't have to tell me what happened to Flute Boy, but it is all the better for it!

If you want to nitpick, yes, when a lot is happening onscreen, like in many Super Nintendo games, A Link to the Past has some graphical slowdown. Does the slowdown affect gameplay? No. It's actually kind of charming. Everything about this game is.

Yes!!! This fight is so awesome.

Maybe I'm a little biased, though. A Link to the Past had a magical impact on my life. It lifted me out of my preteen funk--immediately after playing it, I experienced a seemingly endless wonderful wave of new things: more Super Nintendo games, a rediscovery of the original Star Wars trilogy, new friends, my dad bought us a Go Cart, we found a white kitten with mystical powers in our yard who became the best pet I've ever had, I painted my room blue, I got a TV in my room and a bigger bed and a sweet new aquarium, I grew a hair in one of my armpits. Just on and on and on and on awesomeness. Most importantly, though, from that moment in my life on, I opened myself to new experiences. Hey, variety is the spice of life, right? But I try not to forget any of the great old experiences I've had either. It helps that playing through The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past now is just as invigorating as it was 25 years ago.


Graphics: 9.0/10.0

Sound: 10.0/10.0

Gameplay: 10.0/10.0

Lasting Value: 9.0/10.0


Overall: 10.0/10.0

Secret of Mana

Released on August 6, 1993 for the Super Nintendo by Square, Secret of Mana is a vast action-RPG featuring both single and multiplayer gameplay.

Secret of Mana and I have circled around each other for 26 years. I first started seeing the game at parties because, instead of alcohol and sex, the parties I attended included Sunkist and video games. I remember the game featured beautiful music and incredible graphics, wind blowing the grass in a field, as two players fought monsters with a sword and axe in what looked like essentially a multiplayer The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. Every now and then I'd get a turn in, but never for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time. I knew the production values felt high, that, without even seeing the opening menu, Secret of Mana had to be a Squaresoft game, but I never got deep enough into it to form a full impression...until, for some reason, now, 26 years later.

OK, now that I've finally seen the menu, I've got to say, this font has got it GOING ON.

This game is as beautiful as I remembered. While the graphics aren't quite as tight as A Link to the Past's, they're bright, colorful, and more highly detailed, with well-animated sprites. Secret of Mana takes place in your basic Squaresoft fantasy world of 16-bit anime'ish-styled human characters, along with a bunch mostly humanoid monsters, just like in Chrono Trigger, or a Final Fantasy game. Secret of Mana features plenty of huge, very nicely designed bosses for our three heroes to fight, and some great Super Nintendo style explosions engulf those bosses when they're defeated. Speaking of, there are also some great 16-bit rivers and waterfalls--plenty of beautifully animated environments.

Looks pretty much exactly like where I live, minus all the smog, concrete, cars, metal, and crushing depression.

Wait, did I say three heroes? Yes, Secret of Mana features three protagonists. You can only start with one, but the second and third are obtained early on in the game. From that point, if you're playing solo, you can switch between the characters at will with the press of a button, and the computer AI will take control of the other two. If you've got a buddy, they can take control of one of the other characters. If you've got two buddies, and a Super Multitap accessory, all three of you can play at once. But what exactly will you be doing?

Whatever it is, it looks kinky.

Secret of Mana is an action-RPG in the vein of A Link to the Past, but with heavier RPG elements. You begin the game as a male character (you can name him whatever you want) who lives in a small, rural village. Your character falls in a lake, finds a mysterious sword jammed into a stone (sounds familiar...), and pulls it out. Before you can say, "Put it back! Put it back!" monsters are everywhere. Seems, this sword is the Mana sword, and...
Honestly, plot isn't Secret of Mana's strong suit. You've got to find Mana Seeds, and eventually reach a Mana Fortress, and there's an evil Emperor, and really it's all just an excuse to exercise the basic RPG formula of go to village, stock up on supplies, learn about village's problem, visit nearby dungeon, fight through enemies, grow more powerful, defeat dungeon's boss, which fixes village's problem, move through an overworld until you reach the next village. This is the bread-and-butter of RPG mechanics...then again, it's one that's proven for years not to be broken. Why fix it?
Your characters have their choice of weapons, all of which can be upgraded throughout the game. Some, like the whip, feature longer range, while others, like the axe, allow you to cut through rocky obstructions in your path. Unlike A Link to the Past, you can't just hammer away at enemies. Every time you swing at an enemy (in realtime--no turn-based fighting here), your attack meter goes to zero, then quickly charges back up to 100%--giving you maybe a two or three-second pause between attacks. This encourages you and your friends to work on timing your attacks out in multiplayer. Or, of course, if you're playing alone, this encourages you to quickly tap through your characters so that you can hit, switch, hit, switch, hit.

Also, if you play by yourself, you won't have to get in a fistfight with anyone over who gets to control the dragon.

A little ways into Secret of Mana, two of your characters learn magical moves, including attacks and healing spells. As you make your way through the game, you earn new elemental magics, like fire, ice, and earth, giving you a diverse move-set, and creating even more opportunities for strategy, as certain enemies are more vulnerable to certain elements than others.

It only took me three hours to figure out that this ice dragon was vulnerable to fire.

That's gonna leave a mark! No? Burn, baby, burn! No? The heat is...on! No? Fire in the hole! No? That's a spicy meatball! No? No to "That's a spicy meatball?" Really?

Of course, to go with your health meter, you've got a magic meter that depletes with each move you perform. Both can be refilled by items, though you also learn refilling magics late in the game. As for items, you can only carry four of each at a time...leading to even more necessary strategizing. And then, you'll want to buy the best armor in each village (defeated enemies drop cash), so that your defense goes up. And you're going to want to fight and grind as much as possible because Secret of Mana takes the "RPG" in action-RPG seriously, and your characters' many stats can be leveled up frequently throughout the game as you accumulate enough victories in battle. Your spells even level up with frequent use.
All of this adds up to a deep, fast-paced, action-packed game, that's a blast with friends, or alone on a long and lonely night. But unlike those two top-tier games I've name-dropped in this review, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past and Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana features several flaws that pull it below that top tier of hallowed Super Nintendo perfection.

You could almost say, there are a few things about this game I do not Lich.

You'll feel these issues right way as you try to navigate Secret of Mana's menu's. Your weapons, items, and options are selected and toggled through in a circular on-screen pop-up you've got to navigate While this at first seems original, it quickly proves to be unintuitive and frustrating. Eventually, you'll get used to it, but it's just a bit too loose, and should have been tightened up a bit. However, this, what I am generously calling "looseness," and should really be calling, "lack of polish," starts to show its ugly head in other areas of the game. For instance, you'll start to notice that sometimes when you swing at and hit an enemy, you inexplicably won't make contact, or contact will inexplicably be delayed for a second or two. Late in Secret of Mana, fast-travel, most definitely a modern convenience and a step-forward in 1994 gaming, becomes accessible, but the game's overworld map is clunky, and loads up like it's booting from a floppy disc. However, these are just minor annoyances.

It's like waiting for a dial-up JPEG of a...um...erm...uh...of a skyscraper to finish loading. That's definitely the kind of pictures I was looking at in high school with my dial-up Internet. Fine architecture. Hey, something had to fill the void between all the Sunkist and video game parties!

What's more frustrating is how loose the game is with telling you where to go and what to do. Secret of Mana is nearly obtuse at moments. However, even this is forgivable in light of the game's most frustrating sin.
Secret of Mana's final dungeon is very long and contains multiple bosses and zero save points. On first try, the final dungeon could feasibly take someone three hours to complete. The final boss fight at the end of this dungeon requires that a specific duo of your characters have both leveled up one specific element of their magic. This climactic boss fight also requires that the third specific character has leveled up their skill with one of the game's weapons, in particular. I haven't mentioned it yet, but any character can use any of the weapons in this game, varying from sword, to whip, to bow, to spear, to axe, and more. The more a particular character uses a particular weapon, the more that particular, specific character levels up their skill with that particular weapon. Secret of Mana never once tells or even hints that the player needs to level up these specific skills and this one specific weapon with this one specific character in order to take down its final boss, and if you haven't, you can't even damage it. That means you can fight through the final dungeon for three hours, meet the final boss with full health and a fully stocked inventory, and then inexorably watch your characters die as you fail to do even one point of damage to the foe in the final battle.

Dammit, that sounds exactly like adulthood! Here's some nice, soothing pink trees to calm me down.

Even worse, after I furiously googled what I was supposed to do to be able to damage the final boss, furiously grinded with my characters until I had leveled up the correct spells and weapon, and then rushed through the final dungeon in an hour or so to face him, the final boos randomly pulled out some massive attack that killed my entire party 30 seconds in. No warning, and he had never done this the first time through, in the grueling 30 minute fight where I literally unloaded everything single thing I had on him to no effect. The third time was the charm, after casting a million defensive protection spells to protect my party against randomly getting wiped out again, but by then I was so frustrated, I had nearly forgotten the hours upon hours of joy Secret of Mana had given me.

Any 16-bit game that features a mountain-view with some moons in the background gets bonus points from me!

And it had given me hours of joy. Secret of Mana is a very long game. Secret of Mana has no play-time counter like some of its contemporaries have, but I feel like I at least put a good 40 hours of time into the game. I enjoyed most of those 40 hours. I particularly enjoyed what I heard in the background. Secret of Mana features a classic 16-bit soundtrack. While it the music does fall prey to the same "looseness" as the rest of the game (I'll get to what I mean by this in a moment), much of Secret of Mana's music is stunning. The best tracks, particularly when you're traveling the overworld, or deep-diving into a dungeon, are sweeping and full, transporting your imagination into fantasy. However, in a silly glitch, if you attack multiple enemies, or there are just too many sound effects happening, a channel or multiple channels of music are cut, meaning maybe a guitar lead line or the percussion or both might just fall away mid-song...sometimes even leading to silence. At first I thought there was something wrong with my game, until research proved there's just something wrong with the game. There are also a few poppy, percussion-heavy tracks that lean a little too hard into cheese, but overall, especially if you stand completely still, this is a great soundtrack.

DOUBLE-BONUS!!!

Really, Secret of Mana's soundtrack is emblematic of the entire game: absolutely phenomenal for most of its runtime, but with some very frustrating quirks and flaws. The last 26 years of my life have been...the opposite of that?

Graphics: 9.5/10.0

Sound: 9.0/10.0

Gameplay: 8.2/10.0

Lasting Value: 8.5/10.0


Overall: 8.6/10.0

Warlock

Released on May 26, 1995 by LJN for the Super Nintendo, Warlock is a side-scrolling action-platformer adaptation of the sequel to the film of the same name.

The opening ten-second sequence of Warlock for the SNES is one of the most stunning I have ever seen. You begin in a field in front of an English cottage, wind blowing through the trees, butterflies fluttering overhead, birds flying to and fro, your coat billowing in the wind. Your dog prances around the grass as you run through this grassy dream, and into a nightmare of an absolutely horrible video game.

Just don't play past the first ten seconds, and you'll be fine!

LJN is known for having made some horrible video games, particularly horrible video game adaptations of films and TV shows. Warlock is particularly horrible, sharing little in common with the film it is supposedly based upon. Indeed, the only positive elements that came from me playing Warlock, which came six years after film, is experiencing that beautiful first ten seconds, and the fact that I sought out and watched that fun film afterward.
Truthfully, I only bought this game for two reasons: because I saw the first ten seconds on a Youtube long-play, and because it was $3.99 at the Lafayette Play-n-Trade. You can't quite tell how bad Warlock is by watching someone else play it, but you can sure tell by playing it yourself. As soon as you run through that field, and start getting attacked in this side-scrolling action-platformer, it's clear Warlock isn't going to be a classic.

Misfire! Just like this entire game past the first 10 seconds!

You play some kind of wizard, who shoots bolts of electricity or something out of his hands, and has some kind of orb floating over his head that you can kind of use as a weapon, by pushing a button, pointing the D-pad in a direction, and hoping the orb flies that way. Also, when you attack, he stops moving. Ugh.
Enemies come at you non-stop, and you can never seem to get a leg-up on them. Die once, and it's game over. You can die by missing a jump and falling into a pit, or of course by getting hit enough times by the numberless enemies (other wizards, monsters, crazed animals, floating eyeballs that also shoot lightning). Warlock is a bad video game.

Hide! Hide from this game!

Warlock eschews the fun, fish-out-of-water horror/adventure/comedy of the 1989 original film for the rune stones and druid mumbo-jumbo of its sequel. You've got to collect six hidden rune stones from the game's multitude of infinity-long, nondescript levels. When you actually get one of the damn things, you're given a password to get back to that point after you die, so at least there's that. If that doesn't sound very fun, it's because it isn't.
I quickly tired of trying to play this travesty straight, hit google, and found that if you hit "left, left, right, left, right, right, left, right, right, left, left, right" on the d-pad at the opening menu, you get a level select screen, and the option of invincibility. Either invincibility also makes you fly, or I found some rune that gave me the power of flight, I'm not sure, because this stupid game doesn't tell you absolutely anything. So I played the rest of the game invincible, with the ability to fly, and even that didn't make things much better.

If hiding doesn't work, fly away! Fly far, far away!!!

The cheats did allow me to experience the game's dark atmosphere, its only decent quality, though even the atmosphere overstays its welcome and becomes oppressive after a few short minutes.
The graphics themselves bounce around from beautiful pixel works of art to "Did you doodle this with a BIC in your school notebook?" They are just all over the place. The soundtrack is urgent, but after a few minutes of its irritating caterwauling, you'll urgently want to mute your television.
This game is a train-wreck. Thanks a lot, LJN! At least I enjoyed the film!...and the video game's first ten seconds. Man, what a great first ten seconds.

Graphics: 5.0/10.0

Sound: 3.5/10.0

Gameplay: 2.0/10.0

Lasting Value: 1.5/10.0


Overall: 2.5/10.0

Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

Released in North America on June 1, 1993 by JVC for the Super Nintendo, after development by Sculpted Software and LucasArts, Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back adapts the second film in the original Star Wars trilogy with a blend of  16-bit 2D side-scrolling and 3D Mode 7 action.

The Super Nintendo changed my life. Up until that clear dividing line, middle school hadn't been going that well. My voice hadn't changed yet. No hair under my arms. Instead of hitting a growth spurt, I just grew two inches a year, until, by tenth grade, I was taller than everybody again (which was little comfort in the 7th grade). Then there was the family stuff. My grandpa was dying. My family had a huge blowout fight on Christmas Eve that resulted in my mom returning our presents to the store. That first 1.5 years of junior high sucked, with late 1994 coming as the suck climax. And then it happened.

Let's just pretend like I've started reviewing the game, and am not giving my entire life story.

After my grandfather died (my namesake, without whom my other site, The Nicsperiment, would be called "Thesomethingelsesperiment") on Friday the 13th, January of 1995, my mother gave me the money from my returned Christmas presents. I pooled that with other money I'd saved from my birthday a few weeks before.
$120, the most money I'd ever seen.
What would I do with my vast sum? I immediately thought of my aged NES, which hadn't given me joy in awhile. Only getting my modern gaming kicks from my next-door neighbor SEGA cousins was fun, but wasn't the same as playing games at home. For some reason, I went to Blockbuster Video for ideas...but that did the trick--that's where I saw a used copy of Super Street Fighter II for the SNES...for $9.99! Yes, the same game I'd fed a billion quarters to at the arcade could now be mine forever for only...40 quarters! But first, I'd need a Super Nintendo Entertainment System. I bid my mother take me to Wal-Mart, where I found a SNES for $99! At 1995 East Baton Rouge Parish tax rates, I could make the SNES and Super Street Fighter II mine for $120! I didn't even notice the SNES came with The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, which is a story for when I finally write a review of that game...needless to say, I played a couple weeks of Street Fighter II, and then a whole lot more weeks playing Zelda. And when I beat Zelda and found another $20 in my pocket, there was only one place to go...back to Blockbuster Video!

Yep, totally reviewing this game right now, and not endlessly bloviating.

I dug through their used SNES shelf and came upon Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back for only $5.99! "Didn't I really like Star Wars when I was a kid?" mused my 13-year-old self. Like so many mid-90's video game purchases that ended up being awesome, I bought Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back on a whim...

Yep, just steady posting pictures for this Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back review, which is definitely gonna talk about the game now.

And I absolutely loved it. I played through that game a million times, beating it again and again, til I saved $70 (Toys 'r Us prices sucked) to buy Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Meanwhile, I found that I suddenly liked watching the original Star Wars trilogy, particularly The Empire Strikes Back, far more than when I was younger. In fact, that entire summer, my younger brother and I watched an original trilogy film daily, and generally all three on a weekend. It was such a great time to be 13! No other Star Wars films existed! ...but then, eventually, they did. My relationship with Star Wars has gone through several permutations since then. I read essentially all of the extended universe novels and comics until, 20 years after that summer, Disney said they no longer existed.

Yep, all these pictures are for a video game review. A VIDEO GAME REVIEW. Speaking of, I've always found the way the graphic design for this game integrates into the level graphics to be stunning.

Meanwhile, I tried so hard to like the prequels, but outside of John Williams' music and a few scattered moments, I just couldn't. The new trilogy has proven to be the most divisive of all with the general public. Star Wars, in the mid-90's, was the definitive trilogy, an untouchable cultural touchstone. It's now threatening to become just another Disney franchise.
After all that has passed, I've nearly forgotten about those great 7th grade afternoons, running through 16-bit Cloud City, brawling with 16-bit Darth Vader, taking down 16-bit Imperial walkers...until I started noticing that Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back is starting to turn up on "Hardest SNES Game" lists online...sometimes even turning up as number one. "It's even impossible on easy mode!" some commentators enthuse.

Apparently not as impossible as it is to start this review. START THIS REVIEW! Also, I've been obsessed with this window nearly the entirety of my life.

No, it's not. 13-year-old me beat the game on easy mode a thousand times. Would 37-year-old me come around to these new, Youtube-channel-based opinions? Time to dig out and dust off Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back...

*     *     *

Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back follows the plot of the 1980 film of the same name (minus "Super Star Wars:), as rebel forces, led by Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo, are hiding from the dastardly Empire on the icy planet of Hoth, are discovered, fight to escape, and split up, with Luke going to train in the ways of the force in the swamps of Dagobah, and Han and Leia fleeing to the possibly sinister Cloud City over the planet of Bespin. The player switches between controlling Luke, Han, and Chewie through side-scrolling 2D shooter/lightsaber hack-n-slash levels, as well as 2D snowspeeder and speeder-bike shooter stages, and some Mode-7 space/ice/cloud-battle stages.

Wait, it seems like the review has actually started. Wow! On that note, Cloud City!

Maybe it's because of the sheer amount of time I've put into this game, but Super Star Wars: The Empire Strike Back's controls through all of these modes feel perfect. All player characters and vehicles run, jump, fly, and shoot on a dime. The controls are extremely responsive and intuitive. The on-foot stages, which take up the majority of the game, feature a dedicated button to jump (which can be tapped again to double-jump!), shoot, and one to do something unique with each character. With Luke, it's use a force power, like healing, elevation, or saber throwing. With Han its toss a grenade, which he can find strewn across his levels. With Chewie, it's a devastating spin-attack, with a rapidly-depleting, but self-refilling power bar.

The scene where Chewie fights a futuristic lion-tamer over a pit of lava was definitely my favorite in the film.

Of course, the d-pad is used to move the controllers directionally, but as an added bonus, the SNES L and R shoulder buttons can be used to shift the screen up and down, to get a better idea of your surroundings. This way, you never have to make any blind jumps, which are generally platforming poison. Speaking of, the 2D on-foot side-scrolling portion is a great balance of platforming and run-and-gun action, some genuinely difficult jumps breaking up all the enemy shooting/hack-and-slashing.

Pictured: Hacking and slashing.

The controls for the vehicular portions are similarly spot on. The 2D side-scrolling ones are frantic fun, and incredibly tight--likewise, the 3D stages. The Battle of Hoth is so tightly and completely constructed, it could be its own game. Firing at smaller vehicles, and launching the classic tow-cable at AT-AT Walkers, then circling to wrap them up is intuitive and perfect. Controlling Luke's X-Wing in a late game Bespin invasion is seamless. Flying the Millennium Falcon through a 16-bit, Mode 7 asteroid field and blasting Tie-Fighters controls like a dream.

And look at the attention to detail in the Falcon cockpit! There's only one level set there, and the developers still went above and beyond, even integrating how many lives the player has left into the HUD.

Really, diversity is the name of the game here (EDITOR'S NOTE: No, the game is named Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back) and one of Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back's greatest strengths. That each different style of gameplay is so polished and full of depth is incredible. Even the diversity in the on-foot levels is vast. For instance, when Luke visits Dagobah, he can learn eight different force techniques like "Heal," "Elevation," or "Freeze." His gameplay was already set apart because of his lightsaber (though you can switch between lightsaber and gun with Luke at will!), and his awesome lightsaber spin attack when you double jump, but these force abilities make his stages even more distinctive.With that said, the game's multitude of nearly endless waves of enemies frequently randomly drop some of the same items for each character, like a temporary shield, a life meter extender (in the shape of a lightsaber for your lightsaber shaped life meter!), or a kill-every-enemy-on-screen thermal detonator to bring continuity.

Nice, happy little clouds.

However, the game's other greatest strength is, in a way, a matter of personal bias.
My favorite film of all time is Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo. My second favorite is Ingmar Bergman's Winter Light. My third favorite film of all time is...The Empire Strikes Back.
Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back puts you directly into The Empire Strikes Back as the main agent of action. It covers every single moment of the film that could possibly be used in a video game. The extra bits that it adds in itself are completely logical with the narrative of the film. This is complete, 16-bit Star Wars immersion. There are even awesome, 16-bit cutscenes.

It even has awesome 16-bit cutscenes!...wait, did the review just actually say that? I still can't believe it's finally talking about the game.

At the service of this immersion are some excellent 16-bit graphics and a great soundtrack. Before I get into the praise...yes, there's some graphical slowdown when there's a lot going on onscreen, but it has never once resulting in me dying, and when I was 13, I just called it slow-motion mode and thought it was super badass. Anyway...
The pixel-art style in the 2D stages has been aped for years to the extent that, 25-plus years later, people have been creating 16-bit versions of the new 2010's Star Wars Trilogy trailers in admiration. It's spectacular, with detailed backgrounds and enemies, huge bosses, and brilliant animation. The use of color is brilliant, with palettes mimicking the film exactly. The lights on the buildings in Cloud City even fade on and off...enhancing the zen-like feel of that level, along with the sunset color scheme and a 16-bit SNES interpretation of John Williams' exact music for that area. It's such a favorite sensory experience of mine that I still remember the password..."MCDGRJ," nearly 25 years later.

Just Han and Lando, hanging out.

While there's not an abundance of tracks here, the game's soundtrack features all of the film's major themes, and they're deployed perfectly. Sound effects come directly from the film, with special credit going to the distinctive storm trooper and Imperial Walker laser blasts, respectively...and tauntaun! There's even some digitized speech, primarily employed by Darth Vader, also straight from the film, to further the immersion.

Alright, Boba Fett, you get on outta here!

But what of the reports that Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back is far too difficult for mere mortals to attempt? Frankly, it's a bunch of Internet hyperbole.
This game is perfectly manageable on "Easy Mode." There's a password for each level, given when the player gets a game over (a very small flaw here...if you need to turn the game off, you've got to give yourself a game over, i.e. use up all your lives, to get the password). I remember distinctly beating this game for the first time in six days back when I was 13. Coming back to it all these years later, I struggled for a couple minutes to get into a rhythm, did, and then steadily progressed to the end, notebook and pen at my side for any time I did get a game over.
The player even gets three continues after all they've used up all their lives, which restarts you at whatever level save point you last died past...yes, the levels themselves have even more save points than this review has pronoun jumps.
The levels themselves often house secret areas full of one-ups and hearts to fill up your life meter. Enemies also drop hearts. The game also includes four distinctive gun powerups, as well (kept until you die...), which can fall randomly from an enemy, but are also sprinkled across each level. The normal, or "Brave Mode" is very difficult, but still possible with practice and skill. The very hard, or "Jedi Mode" difficulty is nearly impossible, but that's the entire point of a "very hard" mode. Back on easy mode, though, enemies may continually come at you, but their attacks aren't cheap, and you won't get knocked down by random. previously unseen flying enemies when you're trying to jump across a chasm, like in lesser games (*cough--Indiana Jones Greatest Adventures--cough*). There are most definitely far more difficult games than this one.

You see? He's not a machine! He's a man! Whoops, wrong awesome 80's movie!

Anyway, I love this game. I am undoubtedly biased, but considering that, after a nearly 25-year break in which I played many, many other games, including many other Star Wars games, as game technology has advanced exponentially beyond 16-bits, I still found Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back to be an extremely enjoyable, near-transcendent experience, there has to be something here. Yes, that was one sentence.

C'mon, Tauntaun, the review is finally over. Let's get out of here.

Graphics: 9.5/10.0

Sound: 9.5/10.0

Gameplay: 9.5/10.0

Lasting Value: 9.5/10.0


Overall: 9.5/10.0